She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
