Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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