By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
MIDGETS
????
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
