Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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