I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
