spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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