Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
