I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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