I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
