come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
