meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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