Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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