i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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