i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
this boner is exhausting
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
