I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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