I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just had sex on a roof
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
