dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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