Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
