Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
