I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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