Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
