last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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