im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
