very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
