Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
