my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize