you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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