Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
