I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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