dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
