I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
