he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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