Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize