if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Also, beer. Big fan.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
