you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
