This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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