You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
