That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
