literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
where are my eyebrows?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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