apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
