I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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