who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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