you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
