Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
