That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
