And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
