just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
