All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
