your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
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