Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize