North Korea, Best Korea!
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
