I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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