once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
