Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
