Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
