She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My life is pants optional.
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