my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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