how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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