Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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