38 yer olds are good kisserssss
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
