moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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