How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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