He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
