Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Randomize
