Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
