I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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