he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
