Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
