Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize