Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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