god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
