the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Mom said you looked used
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
