i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
