You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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