I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
