and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
