I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
