Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I've blown a few things in my day
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
