I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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