I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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