You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
