If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
