I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
