he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
