I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I had to cum in my sink.
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