I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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