Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
