I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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