i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
