In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize