if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
