U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
