the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
