ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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