also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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