peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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