Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
