I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
