What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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