JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
