Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
