Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
be right there i have to get my cape
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize