Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
