new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize